Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize