Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
