but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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