I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
