I am puke
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
