Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
