Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
