I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
