Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
