I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
