don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
