I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
