so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
