just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize