just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
