Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
