Can i not drive my cunt home
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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