Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
