last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize