so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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