wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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