i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
