While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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