Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
