Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
