I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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