booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
