I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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