as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
