Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
