it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
