The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
