peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
