Do you still have your period?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize