His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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