HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
