Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
