DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize