We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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