U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
