He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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