there was a trapeze. enough said
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
