she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
wanna go halves on a baby?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
no, he came in my armpit
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
