Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
