Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Damn victory sex feels great
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
