i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
