i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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