i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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