it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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