i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He? As in you personified your dick?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
