i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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