I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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