There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
