So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize