TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
