i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
