Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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