On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize