I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
