Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
bring money and cleavage
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
