hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
