Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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