I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
