Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We got so high we made milksteak
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
