Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
