I only kidnapped one of them. chill
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
