I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
