rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
