Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
