What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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