I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
