OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
