A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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