I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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